Chaos and peace, two opposing forces, yet when they coexist, they feel like home. Like the scent of earth after the first rain, stirring up memories laced with both grief and nostalgia. Grief for the moments that slipped away too soon, and nostalgia for the ones we were lucky enough to live through.
For me, this chaotic peace has always been my mother.
A woman I argue with endlessly, sometimes just to poke fun, often to stand my ground. We fight, we cry, we shout… but even in the loudest moments, she is my calm. My peace. The one person I can never keep secrets from, no matter how bad things get. There’s a strange kind of relief, a grounding comfort, in telling her every small detail of my day over the phone. It’s like breathing after holding it in too long.
But it wasn’t always like this. As a child, I was stubborn. There were days I refused to talk to her, convinced she wouldn’t understand. But growing up has a funny way of showing you the truth. I began to see her not just as my mother, but as a woman who once had dreams of her own…. dreams she set aside so mine could take flight.
The weight of that realization?
It still stuns me.
Motherhood runs deeper than I ever imagined. And in its depth, I found a chaotic peace that will always be mine.
My mother will always be mine.
Writer : Aditi Jain
Grade : 1st Year Psychology Undergrad (Year 2025)
Place : Bangalore, India
