Indian homes have this rather funny custom of calling the newborns with all kinds of strange names. As soon as a child is born, they start addressing the angelic presence with affectionate names. So this one person becomes ‘chintu’ for grandmother, ‘lola’ for mother, ‘kuchhi’ for elder cousins, ‘puchku’ for father and so forth. In the meanwhile the astrologer and the family pundits are consulted and another ‘real name’ is designated to the child. This name marks his/ her identity in the ‘real’ world. By the time the child is 2-3 years, the whole household reverberates with the so-called nick-name which is what everyone in the family knows you by.
This is how most Indian kids are christened. The larger the family, the crazier it gets.
Recently I was told to deliver a parcel to my maternal uncle whose office is enroute to my office. All our life we have known him as ‘Raju chachu’. I went about the task but the security guard would simply not let me enter the office. Presumably there was no one by the name of ‘Raju’ in that office. That is when it dawned upon me that he must be having a ‘real name’. I made a phone call to my dad who made another call to his ‘massi’ (maternal aunt) who is ‘Raju chacha’s’ mother and finally we were enlightened that he was called ‘Anil’ in the real world- a fact we had not known till then.
Such incidents abound in the families of North India where adults are often called by their nick-names in their houses long after they begin their ‘real world’ journeys. You may be a general manager in a big MNC yet you are ‘chotu (the small one)’ at home. You may be a handsome model but they still call you ‘champu (the one with oiled hair)’. But the most awkward moments are those when some old acquaintance shouts out your silly nickname embarrassing you at that most opportune time when you are about to have your ‘MOMENT of Glory!’
It was for this same reason why my brother (like many sensible people of his generation) decided that he would give a single name to his children. No nicknames, no confusion, no embarrassment!
As I went forth in life as ‘Shilpi’ I also felt that one name was enough until…
one evening!
Weighed down by the cares of life, madly gripping my mental pieces together, dawning an armor of steel with a plastic smile, I entered my parents home- my first home. My mom was not there just then, so my father ushered me in. We sat down for some pep talk. It must have been around 20 minutes when my mom came back. As always, she lovingly said- “Aa gayi Neeti” (Neeti, you have come!) “Neeti” is incidentally my nickname and that day the moment my mother uttered it, all my worldly identities collapsed. Like a small child yearning for her parents’ support I clung to my mom and let tears roll down my cheeks.
I must have cried for quite some time. My mom kept asking me what the matter was but I just could not explain. In fact the matter was nothing beyond growing kids, imbecile fights with husband and crazy work pressures. But her regular utterance of ‘Neeti’ melted my outer core and spelled magic!
In ‘Neeti’ I found relief! I found my childhood, that lost song in my heart and that skip in my step. I rediscovered my lost self- MYSELF!
Shilpi may be my true ‘real world’ identity but now I know that whenever I need to draw back on my core strengths- my innocence, my sense of wonder, my freedom to laugh or unrelenting hope, I can go back to ‘Neeti’ and I will find all these!
Although I am a mother myself, yet ‘Neeti’ brings back my mom to me and along with her it brings back the freedom to be vulnerable, to reach out for help and to take a pause and rest awhile.
There is no doubt that ‘Shilpi’ is enough.
But when ‘Neeti’ reverberates in the background, Shilpi smiles and becomes ‘MORE than enough!’
Writer: Shilpi Haryal (July 2023)
No Comment